Change and Wellbeing in the Workplace
Taken from 'Chats with Nicky and Sila Lee'
Joined by Dr Rebecca Newton
Dr Rebecca Newton is an educational psychologist and Executive coach who met with Nicky and Sila Lee to discuss change and challenge and how we can navigate these things well, especially in the workplace. In these continually challenging times, it’s more important than ever to look at how we can be our best selves and how we can encourage others to bring out their best.
In Dr Newton’s book, Authentic Gravitas, she has researched and written about how many people observe others and want to know how to achieve their level of gravitas, to have their ideas taken seriously and to carry a weight that is both impactful and valued. And yet, there is no formula or mould for this success. There is no ‘right way’ to be a leader or to influence in our spheres. “I know that people can lead and influence and make a positive difference wherever they are in an organization and wherever they are in a team.”
Dr Newton continues to explain that we can make a positive contribution and be valued for the work that we do while still being ourselves. In fact, authenticity is extremely important in outworking these qualities within our environments and it is about learning what we feel and what we value. “And one of the reasons it's so important for us right now is that authenticity is actually, as some of the research suggests, that it's one of the strongest predictors of well-being. So where people feel that they can be themselves and they're bringing their best self and outworking their values in the different environments they operate in that really impacts our actual physical wellbeing. And that's remarkable.”
But these trialling times are having and increasing effect on people’s mental health and the pandemic has impacted both individuals and businesses in very different ways. However, the overarching trends for everyone is that there is great uncertainty and great pressure. And this is has impacted everyone, we are not wired for uncertainly and don’t like change when its not in our control so we don’t know how it will impact us personally.
So how do we build resilience? How do we learn to cope? “[W]e have to recognize that it's okay not to be okay. And particularly that’s really important for leaders as well to flag, that resilience is the ability to bounce back. It's not, not experiencing these things in the first place. So it's important to recognize for ourselves if I don't feel okay right now, if I feel really angry or I feel really sad or really just anxious or whatever it is, that's alright. That's not defining you. And that doesn't mean that you're not resilient. It means that you're self-aware and willing to go there and do the work. And like I said, we can talk through strategies for how to manage things like that, but the first thing I'd say is, is just this observance that, that people have, you know, don't judge yourself for not feeling okay.”
And its not just for ourselves, many couples are facing situations that they never expected to be in, especially in regards to working from home. This has brought about tensions and feelings that many have not experienced. However, Dr Newton advises to ‘sit with your emotions’. We need to make sure that we don’t push our emotions away but instead think about how we feel and carve out time to actively think and process those feelings. Holding our feelings back is not going to have a positive effect on us or those around us, in fact is likely to have the opposite effect. And research is suggesting that our emotions are a key influence in our decision-making.
“So having out time to go for a walk, it sounds silly, but to think about how you feel because emotions are actually, I think of them as like pieces of data, they help us to understand ourselves and what we're going through. And it's only if we're doing that, then we're able to communicate that effectively to our spouses and equally to our teams and to our leaders.”
Knowing our emotions is also key in terms of our self-awareness. As we are in these unforeseen circumstances, facing these new decisions, we need to be aware of and know that there is a difference between, “gathering information, exploring options, weighing up options, and thinking about how you feel like processing your emotions and actually taking decisions.”
This is how we avoid what Dr Newton calls ‘decision weight’. If we are always feeling as though there is the weight of making a decision, no matter what it is, the pressure can be overwhelming. So it can be helpful to make a time that the decision needs to be make and look at everything else as information gathering, without the pressure of the decision to be made.
Another change facing individuals, couples and workplaces is remote working. So many people have moved to remote working and, for many, it may be here to stay. So how do we alter our listening, communication and support in these new circumstances? “There's a few things that we can do. One is to be mindful of the importance of social connection. So as you know, this isn't just for the leaders, the people in charge of teams, it's for all of us who want to bring out the best in our teams and the best in each other. Perceived social isolation can actually reduce our ability for kind of complex cognitive thinking. It reduces our ability to come up with new ideas, which we all need to do right now. It reduces our ability to manage and process change, the kind of executive functioning… And so we have to be more intentional than ever to keep that social connection.”
Carve out social time, try to recreate the times where chatting would naturally occur in the physical workspace. Its just as important to chat about life things as about work things. “We can't underestimate the importance of that. And actually it has a direct impact on people's ability to do their work really well in this world that is so pressured. So it's not just a nice to have, it's actually the best thing to do if you want to increase team effectiveness and to maintain team performance.”
And yet there are other factors that hinder workplace performance and relationships when working virtually. And this is the increased possibility of misunderstanding. “When we're together, we often pick up on nonverbal cues that we realize that we've done something or said something or haven't done something or said something that has impacted someone in a way we didn't intend. And I think that that's not happening as much. So I guess I'd say carve out time for good open questions; ‘What's most important to you right now?’, ‘What are you struggling with the most in terms of work?’, or if you want to talk more broadly than that, just things like carving out time to find out what's going on for other people. [Also] we want to get feedback, but often people are reluctant to give it, so a great question to ask is, ‘What could I do differently for us to be more effective in our relationship and how we're working together? or ‘what could I do differently?’ The thing is that when you ask that of someone, and you can even ask that of someone that you might be frustrated with or struggling with, if you ask that with genuine interest in genuine curiosity, wanting to understand, wanting to learn, then the other person is also more likely to reciprocate by saying, ‘Is there anything I could do?’ “
Overall we need to be better skilled in good conversations. And leaders need to ensure that they themselves are skilled and that their teams are skilled and confident to have honest, difficult, vulnerable and constructive conversations with one another that will bring about positive change.
One other challenge now faced by many across the nation and globally are people who are looking to change careers, whether from redundancy or using this time to do something they have been thinking of for a long time. And the advice for those rethinking a career path is that, “new seasons need new conversations. So if you are considering a shift, like a different career, actively seek out people who are in that field, who can give you advice.” There are so many people who want to help others and are able to be generous with their time. So find someone in a field you are interested in and as them for 10 minutes of their time. Too often people don’t feel confident in themselves, but choose to be courageous. Those we often think are the most confident are themselves choosing to take risks and often giving themselves their own pep talks in the morning. “So don't worry about whether you're feeling confident and kind of self-powerful. Don't worry about that. Choose to be courageous, choose to step out and know that you might get knocked… That sense of resilience is really important. Know, if you are choosing to be brave and to step out, to find work and proving that you are willing to learn and to roll your sleeves up and to get in there and to work hard, that people will respond positively to that. Just choose courage, don't worry and the confidence stuff will come.” And don’t rule yourself out because you don’t meet every single one of the qualifications. Attitude is so much more important that we think.
And no matter where we find ourselves, lets “be people who are actively giving people opportunities wherever we can. [And] there’s some fascinating research that looks at the impact of when you actively seek out and make a difference in others peoples lives… what they found is that, if you carve out that time for focusing on somebody else, demonstrating empathy for wanting to help them to move forward and to achieve their goals, that yes, of course, that's a positive experience for the person on the receiving end of that. But actually for the person who is doing this coaching, and I don't mean that you need to be formalized in that. But that you're the person asking the questions focusing on someone else, that there are psychological and even physiological changes in our bodies. And those changes are the very things that mitigate what they call power stress, that they actually work against the negative things that come about from the stress that we're experiencing right now. So in a season, when we feel the need to pull everything to ourselves, to focus on just buckling down, keep looking up, keep reaching out, keep carving out time for other people. Your spouse and for the people around you, that you have the opportunity to influence and to give time to just a generous, compassionate listening ear, wanting to encourage them and help them will actually help you. So do carve out time for other people in that way. And you'll be able to increase your own resilience through this very difficult complex season.”
You can watch the full interview below.
Additional Resources
Book: 'Authentic Gravitas: Who Stands Out and Why' by Dr Rebecca Newton
All quotes taken from 'Chats with Nicky and Sila Lee, Joined by Dr Rebecca Newton'