Handling Money Well
Taken from 'Chats with Nicky and Sila Lee'
Joined by Dr John Kirkby, CBE
Money is not a topic that most people like to talk about, especially if you're going through periods of financial struggle. However, this issue is more prevalent than ever as we are only beginning to see the effects of the COVID-19 pandemic. 4.1 million people in the UK, already in financial difficulty, have seen a reduction in their income because of the coronavirus pandemic. But it's not only impacted those already in trouble, an estimated 12.5 million people say their households have been affected financially by the impacts of COVID-19. “There's no doubt that this is going to draw and drag people who never thought they'd have financial difficulties into a place where they're going to have to start doing some really useful things like budgeting and making decisions around spending and making sure that debt doesn't get out of control.”
Dr John Kirkby, founder of Christians Against Poverty (CAP), knows first-hand of the devastation that struggles with debt can have on a person, a relationship and a family. Yet his story is one of hope and of a way out for anyone struggling with their finances. John founded CAP to help people who, like him, find themselves in a place they never planned to be with their finances but can't find a way out by themselves.
“Our message is one of great hope. Wherever you find yourself, whatever difficulties you are in financially, I will testify with all the breath in my body that there is always hope. There is always a future.”
It's especially important in these times to take steps to ensure we don't fall into issues with debt. We need, as individuals or as couples, to make the decision that we are going to take steps to get our finances under control. And we need to be especially aware of the risks that come with the world's conveniences. “You can literally buy anything within 15 seconds. The ability to buy things without any thought as to where that money is coming from, the availability of credit is literally increasing and is enormous. So, it can be very easily that you can find yourself in a difficult position. [But] you don't have to live like that. You don't have to live with that nagging sense of, are we doing the right thing? Do we have enough money? Have we made the right decisions? Simple, easy steps, can make a fantastic difference.” John goes on to encourage us all, that there are no losers when you manage your money well. It doesn't just make a difference in our lives but in our families lives and even the lives of those closest to us.
Financial struggles can also put incredible pressures on a marriage or couple relationship. And in many cases, it can be the start of a relationship breakdown. But what can be done? First, if they aren't already, bring your finances together. Your life is together and that must include your finances. Of course, this isn't always easy or straightforward, there are likely going to be many differences between a couple. But, “however challenging, it may be that you learn as a couple to compromise, to seek wisdom together, to make joint decisions. Those are truly, truly vital lessons, not only in your financial relationship, but as I know, it spins out into other aspects of your life.'“
And once you've decided you are going to work on your finances together, sit down and build a budget. Get a pen and paper/open and excel spreadsheet/find an online tool and ask each other:
How much income do you have coming in?
How much regular expenditure do you have going out?
What are your debts? What are your savings?
Are you as wealthy as you thought?
Are you covering your expenses?
Are you paying for things you don't really need?
What do you do with your excess?
How do you save it? How do you spend it?
Only then can you have those discussion and make those decisions about how you are going live.
“You don't have to live a tight life financially, but you do need to live it together and you need to organize it... So bring it all together, build a budget. Number one, step, my number one plea would be to do that.'“
Now, some of you might be thinking, 'You don't understand. I have too much debt.' Or, 'I couldn't possibly tell anyone, I'm too ashamed.' But you are not alone. You are not the only one who's been in this situation and there are people who can help. As John so poignantly puts it, “just the weight, the weight on my soul, the weight on my heart, in my head, my whole life was just overwhelmed with a sense of, Oh my gosh, the mistakes I've made. Oh my gosh, how could I have been so foolish? Oh my gosh, look at the consequences for my children. oh my gosh. Look at, look at what it's caused in, in people who I care for. So I want to let anybody who's watching this to let you know, you are not alone. There are hundreds of thousands, millions of people who share that weight of guilt and shame.”
And that doesn't have to be the end of the story! Find someone you can be honest with, someone who is trusted. In these circumstances the journey starts by opening up. “Be open, honest, tell people, and if you are in trouble, make sure you find someone who offers free debt counselling, who can help. If it's not CAP, there are other organizations in all countries that can help. So don't suffer alone, seek humility, open up express, how need you are and allow someone else to help you.”
You can watch the full interview below.
Additional Resources
Book : 'Nevertheless' by John Kirby
https://cap.co.uk
https://themarriagecourse.org
All quotes by Dr John Kirkby, CBE from the interview 'Chats with Nicky and Sila Lee’